the four right chords can make me cry

Must have been late afternoon
On our way the sun broke free of the clouds
-dishwalla.

She was so different today, it was almost as if another person's personality had invaded her frail body. But I guess that's what its does to you, when you have your bad days, when your entire being is racked with pain and death seems like sweet release, you can hardly be expected to be chatty. Am I being too dramatic though? I cannot presume to know what it's like.

I think she was actually happy to have me around for once. And i'm glad, that i've gained her trust somewhat. Today was special for me. I'm slowly beginning to know her as a person, through the little details. What her favourite foods are, what songs she likes to listen to, about her pet dog, her brother, her parents. I saw them, her parents, too. They thought I was a social worker. Giving me ideas.

Volunteering with AIDS patients is unique, to say the least. Today I talked to someone for almost 2 hours, all the time wearing a mask. (TB ward mah). Never done that before.

Didnt get to see uncle B today, think i went too late. I miss him! But talked to J abit, I like him too, he's really nice. I'm beginning to see these people as friends. Is that dangerous? Sister mary told me not to get too attached to them, and to give myself a debrief every time before I leave the centre, so that I don't take their problems home with me and make them mine. Cos the fact of the matter is, they're all dying, just sooner or later. But aren't we all? And as a human being, you can't force yourself not to be emotionally attached, after spending time with them. I'm perched dangerously over the threshold. But so far, the debrief thing has worked really well.

Going to PCC has been wonderful. Challenged me to think about prejudice, death, family, sex, drugs, faith, dignity. Made me come out of my comfort zones, do things I'd never thought I could do. Helped me see a side of society I've been sheltered from, allowed me to be among people I normally would never get the chance to mingle with. And as a student, i feel i'm uniquely placed to be a volunteer. No work or family commitments, all it takes from me is just one or two hours a week, and i can visit in the morning/afternoon when the patients are around.

Everyone should volunteer somewhere at least once in their lifetimes i think. Gives you perspective, makes you less self-centred. (and don't the world need less myopic, ego-centric people?).

posted by beckyboo @ 10:55 PM